i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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