I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Come share oat with me in your robe
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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