You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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