with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
