Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
