She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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