Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I pour the whiskey from now on
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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