hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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