I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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