did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is my life. Enjoy the view
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
