And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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