I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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