I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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