this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
