i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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