I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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