also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
