she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
