You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
