i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
