I want to walk on stilts...naked
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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