I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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