I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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