she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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