my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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