she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
