White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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