he shaved USA in his pubs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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