So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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