I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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