First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize