Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
