I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
