Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
