I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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