YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
