i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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