WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
