i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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