i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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