if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize