did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
someone owes me an orgasm
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
