He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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