He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
