we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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