What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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