Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This toilet bowl is my home.
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