12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
