this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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