omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize