a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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