You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Non-Jews are for practice
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
