mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
