There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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