You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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