i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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