My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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