I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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