Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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