I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
