we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
