i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
smell my finger.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
