he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize