just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my being single is dangerous.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
