I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
